new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
