I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
