i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
