i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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