You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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