Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
