She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just threw up on my dentist
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
