been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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