I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
