dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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