You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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