Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
