It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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