what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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