My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
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