you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
