By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
