No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
