Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
