Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
