D3 body, D1 cock
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
