YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
