I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
