Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
