Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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