The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
