let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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