You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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