For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
