Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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