I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
