Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
