I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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