im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
