after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
