And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
