you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
