i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
