Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
