No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
NoShamevember. You game?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
