Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
