sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
