apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
