Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
