If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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