I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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