Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
