Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
