It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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