I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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