so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
